It’s the season of love, and while this is an exciting time, it can be hard if you’re not feeling connected to those around you.
What do we do when issues arise and communication isn’t happening? I’ve got some advice for how to manage these types of situations – check out my top tips!
- Avoid Blame or “right and wrong” thinking. When discussing issues with your family, friends or loved one, avoid pointing the finger or accusing others of doing something wrong. Instead keep to the facts of what they did and how it made you feel. E.g, When you…… I felt…….What I’d like you to do instead is….. That will make me feel…..
- Remember they are at choice, and might not agree to this. Then you can decide if you want to continue to spend time with them.
- Focus on what you want, rather than what happened in the past. This might mean you need to heal up any negative emotions or blocks from the past. If you feel negative emotions from past events as you recall them now, that’s a sign you have blocks that, when removed, will improve all of your life, not only relationships.
- Avoid comparing who has it worse. Sometimes we get into disputes about who is suffering more, who is having a worse time. Instead, acknowledge all feelings and seek to alleviate all pain, rather than playing “I have it worse than you…”
- Approach the situation from a place of compassion. CET (Conscious Emotional Transformation) emphasises the importance of Compassion and Forgiveness. Practise this towards both others and yourself. It is a way of healing the past and letting go of hurtful emotions. When you are whole, your relationships are stronger.
- Set boundaries – You can protect yourself while letting family members/loved ones back into your life on your own terms. Be clear about what you will and won’t accept. If they violate the boundary, simply tell them again. If they refuse to respect your boundaries, it’s OK not to spend time with that person.
If a relationship has broken down, here are some top tips to repair it!
First of all, a person needs to remember they have a choice. You don’t have to reconnect or repair a relationship with anyone. There’s no rule or law that says you have to.
Identify and acknowledge your feelings: Take some time to reflect on how the rift is affecting you. It’s important to identify and acknowledge your feelings without judgement rather than trying to suppress or ignore them. Avoid telling yourself or your family member what you “should” or “shouldn’t” be feeling. No matter how illogical, all emotions have a rational cause, even if we don’t know what it is.
Communicate openly and non-judgmentally: When communicating with your family members/loved one, try to do so in an open and non-judgmental way. This means listening actively, speaking honestly, and trying to understand the perspective of others.
If there is unresolved conflict, you might want to work on that part before you reconnect without negative emotions tainting the situation. Explore your values together. Most rifts are caused by values conflicts. It’s OK to have different values, but we need to respect each other’s values. When you are conscious of them and work with them, not against them, all relationships can be improved.
If it does feel resolved, but there is still hurt, past emotions will still present that need to be released to enable a person to move forward.
Techniques such as CET, Conscious Emotional Transformation, allow for the release of unresolved trauma and negative emotions to restore emotional wellbeing and provide the platform for growth, rebuilding stronger relationships.
Dr Lisa Turner
