The Abusive Empath

Picture of Dr Lisa Turner

Dr Lisa Turner

World renowned visionary, author, high-performance mindset trainer for coaches to elevate skills, empower clients to achieve their maximum potential

I stared at the screen incredulously.

Just another internet troll I tell myself.

I’m sure you too have experienced being on the receiving end of unkind, offensive or downright rude comments on social media

But this isn’t an article about internet trolls this is an article about empaths.

The word ‘empathy’ means to have the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

This sounds wonderful doesn’t it? Empathy should make us more connected, compassionate, kinder to each other.

Or at least that’s what I thought the idea was!

Turns out being an EMPATH rather than HAVING empathy can mean something completely different.

“You need to keep your negative energy away from me. I’m an empath! Your energy is really weird”

I know people can easily misconstrue and misunderstand comments on the internet and even the kindest intentions can be misconstrued. When this happens, I always apologise and clarify and ask questions to seek understanding.

Which is what I had been doing with this particular individual.

She did not like this.

Her response was “You need to keep your negative energy away from me. I’m an empath! Your energy is really weird”.

She is an empath.

As an empath she feels what others feel.

As an empath she needs others to only feel GOOD things around her and if that’s not the case, YOU have to change what you feel.

Let me say this again and really let this sink in.

YOUR feelings are dictated by someone else. YOU have to feel the way you are told to feel.

The problem is that this is exactly what happens in abusive relationships. The abuser makes it clear that the victim is responsible for making the abuser feel good.

The victim’s feelings are denied and invalidated.

This wasn’t the first time an empath had described the experience of being overwhelmed by the emotions of others. I feel huge compassion for anyone who is unable to handle the negative emotions of others. It’s a sign of trauma that needs to be healed.

But what doesn’t work, either for the empath or for anyone else, is for the empath to dictate what another should feel. Actually, it’s not acceptable for anyone to dictate how another should feel.

Your emotional state is your fundamental human right.

Yes, I might prefer that you were joyful, but if you’re not I welcome that too. As a human honouring you, as a fellow being, I welcome all emotions. Emotions are nothing other than information and I honour and respect whatever you feel.

It’s profoundly lacking in empathy to dictate the emotional state of another, even if you’re an empath!

Let’s face it – it’s actually gaslighting.

It’s a form of abuse.

If an empath can’t handle the emotions of another, essentially this is their problem. It’s up to them to learn to handle this, to find and release whatever trauma makes them uncomfortable with the emotions of others.

Because otherwise where would it stop?

They start telling you to smile.

Then they tell you to feel happy even if something terrible has happened to you.

Then they tell you to feel happy even if THEY are doing the terrible things!

And they might even ice that abusive cake, by accusing you of being ‘triggered’.

I have found that all emotions are useful, some just feel better than others. All emotions are just information.

If someone is treating you badly and you respond with a perfectly normal emotional response, you’re not being triggered. That’s your boundary recognition system kicking in.  No-one should tell another how to feel.  

Being an empath doesn’t give licence to behave abusively.

Have you experienced something like this?  It’s really not unusual, especially at times in our lives when our energy feels a little low, we are not doing the job we really want, we are caring for others and have little time to ourselves, or struggling with a chronic physical injury, or just feel that something is missing, or a whole myriad of other reasons we are just not feeling we are on track. 

Please share your thoughts by replying to or posting in our Facebook group.

And please remember that it’s entirely possible to set ourselves free from emotional and mental pain, and to lead a life which is emotionally empowered and transformed, and to finally lean into joy.

At CETfreedom we are known for uniting scientific and spiritual theories in revolutionary ways, using them both to guide us beyond traditional thinking to reach new possibilities.    We bring awareness, thoughtfulness and consideration, without dogma, in the belief that each of us has the power of the divine.

I hope to hear from you.

With love and understanding

Dr Lisa Turner


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