Some coaches will tell you that’s a problem. Here’s why that’s a huge red flag in the personal development space.
You wake up feeling heavy. Maybe you’re sad. Maybe you’re frustrated. Maybe the motivation that once burned like fire has fizzled into a smolder.
Then you check your feed—and there it is. Again.
“High vibe only!”
“No excuses. Just results.”
“Your emotions are a choice.”
And suddenly, your human experience is a liability.
Welcome to one of the most dangerous patterns in the personal development world: the idea that anything other than constant positivity, productivity, and performance is a problem.
But here’s the truth:
Feeling your feelings isn’t failure. It’s human.
And any coach, mentor, or movement that treats your emotional complexity like a bug in the system is waving a big, sparkly, spiritually bypassing red flag.
Let’s unpack this.
When Coaching Becomes Emotional Gaslighting
In the coaching world, there’s a thin (and often blurry) line between motivation and manipulation.
You’re told:
- “You just need to shift your mindset.”
- “Your emotions are blocking your success.”
- “That’s just a story—rewrite it.”
- “Don’t be a victim of your feelings.”
At first, it might sound empowering. But over time, it starts to feel like pressure. Shame. A subtle undertone that says: “Your humanity is inconvenient here.”
This is emotional gaslighting in a tailored blazer.
It teaches you to override your own emotional truth in favor of an externally-approved “state of success.”
It prioritizes optics over authenticity. Performance over presence. And worst of all?
It convinces you that pain is a personal flaw.
The “Fix Yourself Fast” Culture
Here’s the other layer:
Many personal development spaces are built around urgency.
- “High ticket = high commitment.”
- “Collapse time.”
- “Quantum leap or get left behind.”
This doesn’t leave much space for being… human.
And so your sadness becomes a story to rewrite.
Your anger becomes an energy to clear.
Your grief becomes an obstacle to optimize.
But when you force a bypass in the name of growth, you don’t get transformation. You get emotional suppression—disguised as empowerment.
And what’s worse? You might actually start thinking that your feelings are the reason you’re not “there yet.”
Why This Approach Is So Damaging
This pressure to stay “up” has real consequences:
1. You Learn to Mistrust Your Inner World
When every negative emotion is seen as a mindset issue, you stop listening to your instincts. And that’s where discernment dies.
2. You Attach Your Worth to Your Output
When unmotivated = unworthy, your nervous system learns that safety is only found in constant performance.
3. You Hide the Parts That Need the Most Healing
If crying gets labeled as weak, you’ll bottle it. If burnout gets blamed on your “energy,” you’ll keep pushing until you break.
And when that break finally comes?
The same systems that told you to override your pain will call it “your responsibility to fix.”
That’s not leadership. That’s gaslighting wrapped in a productivity quote.
What a Real Coach Knows
A real coach doesn’t fear your sadness.
They don’t pathologize your anger.
They don’t shrink from your stuckness.
They hold space for it. They validate it.
They know that some of the deepest growth happens not in the leap—but in the pause before it.
Because true growth doesn’t require you to “feel better fast.”
It invites you to feel more fully.
It’s not about controlling your emotions—it’s about being in relationship with them.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Broken, You’re Processing
So if you’re feeling low right now, here’s your permission slip:
You’re not off-track. You’re not behind. You’re not a coaching cliché in need of a mindset detox.
You’re a living, breathing human being in a world that often forgets how sacred that is.
Don’t let someone sell you a 10-step program out of your own truth.
Let your sadness speak. Let your anger inform. Let your unmotivated days be part of the rhythm.
You’re not here to be high vibe all the time.
You’re here to be whole.
And that?
Includes everything you feel.
